Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
