What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
