Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize
