Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
