So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
