but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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