Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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