this beer tastes like vomit already
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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