I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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