Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
