I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
