gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
