your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
