You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
