she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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