you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
