sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
