i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
