hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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