She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
