If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You peed on a flamingo?!?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
