i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
We had sex on a dog bed..
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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