I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
