fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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