You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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