So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Couch. On fire.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
