If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Randomize
