Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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