i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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