Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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