I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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