So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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