He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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