Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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