Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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