After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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