your parents love me but you hate me
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
