i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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