She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
