at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
