That's intense
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
