don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Randomize
