You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
