What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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