I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
