There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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