My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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