I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
