I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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