imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
